and it broke in June when my Fr. Frank died. For the past decade we traveled together, with Jonathan Galante and Fr. Richard McHugh, giving deMello conferences on “Awareness.” These conferences sparkled with physical and mental exercises for releasing emotional baggage and creating new beginnings of hope and wonder...

Close your eyes. Hold your partner’s hands. Do not say a word. Get to know your partner through their hands: their strengths, vulnerabilities, sadnesses, joys…

Anthony deMello was a Jesuit Priest. He was the author of many popular books, his most famous simply called, Awareness. He died prematurely in his mid-50’s, right before he was to present for a large conference at Fordham University in the Bronx. Fr. J. Francis Stroud was his agent. He booked all Fr. deMello’s worldwide speaking engagements. He also was responsible for internationally publishing deMello’s many books.

It was 1987, and Fr. Frank was quite excited for me to meet deMello. In a way, Fr. Frank was also my agent. He came to most all of my nightclub performances. He even arranged a regular singing engagement for me at a popular Manhattan club. The club was called, Chelsea Place, and it was the kind of nightclub a jazz singer, like me, dreamt about. It was hugely popular at the time, and so this transplanted Chicagoan, through the aid of this kindly priest from the Bronx, came into a readymade New York audience. Chelsea Place was a large tri-level jewel in the heart of the Chelsea district of Manhattan. It looked like a normal little shop from the street, although tough looking bouncers would greet the long lines at the door, and if you were lucky enough to receive their bouncer blessings, they would beckon you into the club through the small speak-easy styled door. Upon entering you would be greeted to a vast wonderland of good music, spirits and food. Rock and Pop musicians played the first floor entry and it was not easy getting through the mobs of people dancing to the quaint Italian-lighted restaurant at the far end of the club. Struggling through the maze of dancers was worth it, as the restaurant was one of the highest rated in Manhattan at the time, serving an exquisite Italian fare in honor of its native founder, Giancarlo Santini.

In the middle of the club was an unassuming winding staircase that took the daring adventurer to the intimate jazz club upstairs. This is where I sang with a trio several nights a week. I knew hundreds of songs, and was accompanied by my grand pianist, Alan Kamen, who knew even more. If it became too quite upstairs, Johnny Parker, the resident trumpeter, would make sure the downstairs partiers took notice of the staircase. Although the upstairs was never as frenetic as downstairs, it seemed to be filled through the wee hours with just the right amount of people to make a memorable evening of jazz.

Along my years in New York, Fr. Frank would generously give me presents of deMello’s books and tape cassettes. I eagerly read or listened to every gift. I wasn’t raised Catholic, but have always held a deep respect and interest in all religions. I was honored Fr. Frank took such an interest in me and my night clubby ways. One need not be Catholic to be influenced by deMello’s universal appeal:

The Question:
Said the monk, “All these mountains, and the rivers and the earth and the stars - where do they come from?
Said the master, “Where does your question come from?”
From deMello’s Book…Song of the Bird

But, even more endearing to me than Fr. deMello’s exquisite teachings were the life lessons of Fr. Frank. His gift of friendship was a celebration, a reinforcement of the many beautiful possibilities there in front of us. He was a solid reminder, like my parents before him, that the best of dreams could indeed come true. His fun enthusiasm for life was rare and I was delighted to be a part of it. I noticed he seemed to wear his priestly collar more in his later years. He used to say people treated him exceptionally well in his travels when he wore it. I saw this first hand. We depend more on the ‘kindness of strangers’ as we age, and he was a man who lived a life well deserving of his collar and the extra kindnesses it drew forth.

Fr. Frank gave me the deMello gifts with a wink and a ‘think you might enjoy this’ type of way. Twenty years later, I wrote a doctoral dissertation on the relationship of Anthony deMello’s writings to the Yoga Sutras. Fr. deMello, after all, was from India. It’s as if Fr. Frank knew I would eventually grow tired of nightclubs and venture the philosophical path - he often seemed to be ahead of the game, after all.

I had planned to visit him the Saturday he died in New York. It was the last weekend in June. It was going to be a surprise visit, but the business of life here in Chicago delayed my trip, so Frank surprised me instead and died that very day. He was always full of surprises. Death is so permanent, yet his life is engraved in my beating heart.

A friend from the deMello conferences, Rocco Marinaro, sent me this photo today….

The picture was taken in the summer of 2002 on the porch of the Jesuit Retreat Center of St Charles College in beautiful Grand Coteau, Louisiana. The southern charm of this particular retreat center is one I will never forget - we gave numerous deMello conferences here over the years. This particular photo was taken during one of those conferences. Frank was outside on the large southern porch meditating, when I snuck up to give him a kiss. Rocco captured the moment so beautifully with his photo.

Fr. Frank meditated consistently for many years, every night for over an hour- and no doubt more. He experimented with different meditation techniques to deepen his practice, and was always open to a new approach, yet he did not take his meditations lightly. He steadily worked with any new approach for months, hours a day, to be able to see what affect its regular practice had on his life. He knew the long lasting effects of meditation did not come from an occasional try - it took regular and concentrated efforts to reap its deep inner rewards. He openly discussed the meditation methods he found most helpful and brought these insights into the conferences we taught together. The meditation technique he was working on at the time of this photo was of listening to nature sounds to effortlessly bring the brain waves into deeper functioning realms. My kiss, only a temporary pause to a heart already deep in song.

Thank you, Fr. Frank, for your wonderful life and the incredibly powerful examples you gave us for exploring ways to enrich ours. Through regular meditation practice I join you in song… and will see you again.

“All you want to be you already are,
And in that place
To which your best dreams take you,
There are those who have been waiting for you.”
Fr. John Culkin